Mom

The floor and walls of my bedroom above the garage shuddered as she slammed the door. I held my breath. It was 2am and I had high school in the morning, but I wasn’t in bed. I couldn’t be. I had ceased being a teenager, stopped being a son, hours ago. I was now clocked […]

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Breaking the Spell

In high school, as we’re all trying on different personalities to see which ones fit, I tried being very into trucks. It made a little bit of sense. My first vehicle was a big truck, my dad’s 10-year-old GMC Sierra, black with tan interior, four-wheel-drive, and a 5.7 liter V8. It wasn’t glamorous but it was […]

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Hockey’s Edge

I suppose it started, as so many things did, with Wayne Gretzky. By the time I was old enough to strap a pair of rollerblades to my feet, around 1990 or so, Edmonton’s darling Gretzky had served two years of his exile with the LA Kings and was in the process of transforming hockey in […]

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Rich and Peaty Single Malt Democracy

You never want a front-row seat to history. While the view is nice, those seats always get hit by shit that comes flying off the stage, like bullets and bombs and breadlines. No, where you want to be is the balcony, tucked up out of the way, safe and sound. That’s where I find myself, […]

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Maybe Mayday

A few years ago, Liam Neeson starred in an absurd action thriller called The Grey, where among other things he fought a pack of wolves with shards of glass taped to his knuckles. It was just another silly installment in Neeson’s late-career tough guy renaissance, but I’ll never forget The Grey, and not because of […]

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The Test of Your Life

After two years spent living in a new country, an immigrant probably has a pretty good grasp of things. They can feed and clothe themselves, know where to go if they’re sick, and they probably aren’t keeping their money in a mayonnaise jar. I know this to be true not only from personal experience, but […]

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Illuminating

A life lived in a car is a life of distance–not just traveled, but felt. It’s a life of streets, highways, parking lots, signage; these are the things that create the texture of your world. Buildings are mostly inconsequential and people simply cease to exist, transformed instead into the inhuman abstraction of traffic. There’s a […]

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Relax, Kid

When I was 12 years old I went on a school trip to Philadelphia, New York City, and Washington D.C., one of those ostensibly educational jobs that are really less about seeing the Liberty Bell and more about parents shelling out a grand and getting to ditch a kid for a week. I wasn’t the […]

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Guilty Rider

To hell with Wittgenstein. I don’t know why we’re here either, but I’m confident at least one of the reasons is to enjoy ourselves. That’s why the notion of a guilty pleasure always bothered me. Why feel bad about feeling good? As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, soak up as much pleasure as you […]

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A Monitor Is A Type Of SAD Light

There’s a skill—an instinct, really—that I’m slowly developing by living in Scotland. I never thought I would need it, but as things worked out it’s something I’m glad to possess, even in its nascent form. I’m not talking about the ability to avoid certain types of people, that I may keep my bodily envelope unpunctured, […]

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